“Eternals” is a western.

It is a western, and not just the scenes that take place in South Dakota.

“Eternals” is a western about non-human beings (cowboys) with diverse powers (guns) and matching suits (bandana neckties) transitioning from one leader to another, who all join back together after literally centuries apart to work through internal issues while fighting Deviants (pick a classic cowboy foe). A classic double-cross occurs from an unexpected member of the team and then the members part ways, some for good. 👀 👀

In westerns, sometimes a group of cowboys travel from one place to another to settle shit, right (time hops across centuries)?

“‘Eternals” is a western.

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(“Star Wars” is also a western, but I’ll save this non-controversial fact for another review.)

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The film works because we have not seen a Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) film paced like this. (…well, “Endgame” maybe.)

It also works because this is exactly director Chloé Zhao’s bread 🍞 and butter 🧈. The woman is good’t when she can slow things down a bit, establish new settings, and use natural lighting as much as possible.

That is her bag 👜 and she’s good at it.

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Positives:

• Cinematography (duh) ✅
• Great ensemble cast ✅
• Costuming and makeup ✅
• Special and visual effects ✅
• Score ✅
• Sound mixing and editing ✅
• Kumail Nanjiani + Harish Patel’s comedic relief ✅
• Richard Madden’s fine ass being fine ✅
• A happy + stress-free Kit Harington ✅
• Directing ✅
• Screenplay ✅

Negatives:

• Editing ❌
• Too many time jumps and accompanying establishing shots ❌
• Poor application of its great score ❌
• Runtime ❌

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Usually a 2.5-hour runtime is saved for the end of a main MCU character’s film contract, the last of their solo-led films. But here we have nine or so new characters to establish, and there’s a lot for the audience to catch up on.  Technically, the Eternals have been around the entire time, but could not interfere with human shit, Thanos shit, or any other shit, per Prime Celestial Arishem’s directives. Introductory film slash landscape reset or otherwise, this film could have been 20 to 30 minutes shorter.

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The editing effed with the pace. There were absolutely too many flashbacks to past centuries. The introduction established that the first time the Eternals interfered with human civilization was at the beginning, during its earliest era. Sersi (Gemma Chan) received permission from Ajak (Salma Hayek) to give her knife to a boy in a Mesopotamian village that they had just secured after being ravaged by Deviants. We then cut to Sersi just casually taking a picture of the electronic billboard in London showing the same artifact as part of natural history museum exhibit using her smartphone centuries later. (Très cute)

I’d say keep the prehistoric scenes, cut Babylon, and keep Hiroshima. We probably needed the scenes with Sersi and Ikaris to develop their past bond, but that sex scene was absolutely awkward. 🤔😕 So, sex has been implied in other MCU films, like the “Iron Man” films and “Guardians of the Galaxy” and they were rated “PG-13,” so I’m not mad at it. But yo, they were properly smushing on that damn beach. That shit felt INTIMATE. ‘Twas a brief scene but still! 👀😳

I gathered that the main aim of the century jumps was that these nonhumans had also evolved with humans. Some did not use or did not need to use their powers so they weren’t as sharp, like when Kingo (Nanjiani) could not use his blast in time to stop the Deviants during the fight in the Amazon. During the same fight, Sersi sharpened a skill she didn’t know she had—freezing one of the Deviants into the shape of a tree—a skill she’d perfect during the film’s conclusion to stop the destruction of Earth.

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The Beyoncé to Farrah Hierarchy of the Eternals:

1. Makkari (Lauren Ridloff)—Ikaris could not handle ‘Kari’s speed. She was gone, bruv. 💨💨 I loved it. I wished we could have seen a little more of her relationship with Druig. They were so affectionate with each other. 🥺🥺 I loved her introduction—she was literally chilling in the Domo (Eternals’ space ship) studying and fiddling with the collectibles she’d gathered over the centuries. 💞 💞 And I was so excited to see a signing deaf/hard-of-hearing superhero! We need more of that representation in media, real talk. I wonder how many people will be motivated to learn sign language after seeing this film. 🤔 🤔

I also loved how Makkari’s speed was captured. I feel like when we see her superhero counterparts, like Flash, Quiksilver or even Dash from “The Incredibles,” we often see their powers showcased from a side profile as they run in a straight line, during a quick serpentine, or captured in super slow motion. We tend to see the same swift fighting style too—rapidly attacking their foes so that they’re uncatchable. In “Eternals,” the audience could track her movements from many angles, including a forward-facing angle, which felt like a fresh perspective.

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2. Thena (Angelina Jolie)—her character arch was incredible to explore. And I identified. Thena experienced a significant trauma, was overcoming extreme anxiety and panic attacks, and needed help to re-focus. I loved seeing Jolie back in an action role too! She has a poise that I envy. While her screen time was brief, she made the most of her scenes. And she’s just so gorge. 😍😍😍 Love the blonde hair. Her connection with Ma Dong-seok‘s (Don Lee) “Gilgamesh” was perfect—a nice balance.

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3. Phastos—Brian Tyree Henry (BTH) killed it. He has a charisma that’s hard to articulate. Each role I’ve seen him in since “Atlanta” has been a joy to watch. His character’s family scenes were special and probably should not have been the first time they were shown in a film dynasty that spans three decades.

Seeing BTH as “Phastos,” the brain of the group, was awesome. His arch was intriguing to explore too. He hadn’t explored the depths of his powers after decades of being relatively inactive because of the guilt he felt for furnishing humans with the ability to create the bomb that led to the tragedy of Hiroshima. Like Sersi, he was able to flex and expand his powers after being dormant for so long. I can’t wait to see how he’s utilized in the MCU. More of that shit, please!!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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4. Ikaris—Richard Madden was perfect for this role. His character was poised and positioned as this natural leader of the group following Ajak’s death. He was heralded as the group’s “most powerful” member—cool. Loyalty to mission was his goal, regardless of ethics—fine. The screenplay did a great service with subverting his truths while traveling around the world with Sersi and Sprite (Lia McHugh) in an effort to get the gang back together. 👍🏾 👍🏾

The climax to conclusion—led by Ikaris’ deception—was the best section of the film because situations felt heavy and a tad more dire. Aligning his character’s “demise”  with the origin of his mythical name was appreciated, but I almost didn’t want it to be so on-the-nose. ☺️ ☺️

All the screen time dedicated to his complicated relationship with Sersi paid off in the end—a nice, neat, tad bit predictable conclusion for him. 🙃🙃

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5. Sersi—I appreciated Gemma Chan’s navigation of the anxiety Sersi felt about her new role as the leader of the Eternals because she did not want that role at all! Sis wanted to be cute in London with her fine ass natural history museum teacher boyfriend Dane (Harrington) and hoped nothing from her past would creep her way.

And then here comes an annoying ass Deviant and Ikaris’ fine ass to save the day. 🤣 🤣 Ikaris’ leadership would have led them all into an abyss and Ajak knew it. She also knew which member would be careful with their considerations and who would do what was best for the entire group.

I loved the scene when she meets Arishem and he walks her through the point of the Eternals’ existence. She was exploring her matter manipulation powers even then, something that continued to manifest at a grander scale by the conclusion of the film.

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6. Gilgamesh—We needed more time with him. His powers were straightforward and useful but outside of being Thena’s care partner, I didn’t see what he was adding to the mix. AND also, why we killing off characters, bruh? Chloé, what we doing, shawty? Why not leave Gilgamesh and take Sierra Mist!

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7. Kingo—Kingo is Ireland during WWII. Neutral. His infatuation with Ikaris was apparent when he was first introduced—bruh was literally starring in a Bollywood film about that man. 😂 😆

Kumail Nanjiani and Karish Patel’s excellent comedic timing was a relief that was desperately needed during the first half of the film because shit was getting boring.

I loved his re-engagement with his powers! We got a peek at how rusty he was after being dormant for centuries during the Deviants attack in the Amazon. It took Kingo a while to create a big enough surge to stop them and I loved that bit of minutiae. It added to the pattern that many of the Eternals struggled to reach their potentials at a moment’s notice. (Which made Ikaris’ deception so much more intriguing, honestly.)

Kingo is Ireland and I respected his decision to not join his fellow Eternals to stop Ikaris’ scheme. He realized that his infatuation with his teammate blinded his judgment. He told Sersi, whose leadership he did not fully trust, that he could not join them because he still believed Ikaris’ decision was the correct one. That ethical processing was an evolved reflection and was way better than Sierra Mist’s immediate flip-flop to join Ikaris! Kingo might be neutral, but at least he saw the light, recognized his conflict, and reasoned that he could not choose. I respect the graceful bow-out even though I think the rest of the Eternals might question his morality going forward.

Also, I did not love his powers. 🥱🥱🥱

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8. Druig (Barry Keoghan)—I almost hate that I put him this low on the list, but it’s because I did not care for his powers either. They were central to the film’s rising action and his narrative was written to condition the audience to believe he would be the one who’d be willing to cross all his teammates to make sure his point was crystal clear. But he didn’t!

He was frustrated and openly questioned why they were not able to use their powers for good. He wanted to hypnotize humans to prevent them from committing genocide, a completely understandable ethical consideration after centuries of not interfering. He noticed that as humans evolved, violence increased as a measure to settle conflict and he hated sitting idly by watching it happen when he had a means to stop it.

After Ajak shoots down the idea, his ass dipped into the depths of Amazon and I applaud that introverted shawty’s decision. And honestly I wholehearted agreed with Druig—just leave me be if I can’t help. 👐🏾👐🏾

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9. Sprite—so my problem with Coca-Cola’s lemon/lime drank was that…why? …did she… why was she in this? For what?

I think the un-“Dirty” version of Nayvadius’ choice beverage was either extremely underutilized or unnecessary, or both.

But nah for real, she was necessary. The main point is evolution, right? They’re all immortal but she could never mature. She was stuck in a child’s physical form though she identified with a more mature human form like her counterparts. She wanted nothing more to be loved like she saw Sersi was with Ikaris and then with Dane. Kingo was Ireland during WWII but Sierra Mist was the Kingdom of Italy—all in for whatever Ikaris was on. Ikaris could’ve said “let’s shoot each other’s eyes out,” and Sprite would’ve rode for her man. 🙄🙄😣☹️

Glad she got what she really wanted in the end. I wonder if she’ll return and if the treachery was worth it. (“Treachery” is strong, but fair.)

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I decided not to rank Ajak because I felt like her character was extremely underdeveloped. I remember three main things about her:

• when she met Arishem after the team saved Babylon from the Deviants and she began to question her leadership and its purpose. She had ethical considerations about what she was instructed to do, and wavered on if the Eternals’ powers were being sufficiently utilized.
• when she disbanded the team so they can integrate into societies around the world with warnings to heed Arishem’s directive to not interfere with human affairs unless Deviants were involved
• her death

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Each hero navigated a human characteristic that they either strengthened or abandoned. I love it when non-human characters identify with human emotion and reason. As they evolved alongside humans, the Eternals periodically re-engaged with stronger, more-evolved Deviants across the centuries, which was the point of all the time jumps to fight them thangs. 😂 I can’t wait to see which Eternals return and when.

I admired so much in the screenplay. We got to see what blind loyalty and navigating morality can do to a group at a time of immense stress. “Eternals” is the “Captain America: Civil War” for this group of supers— they needed to work out their issues before they meet a formidable foe, like Kang and ‘nem.

The end of the film came to a tidy conclusion but it left the air a bit thick between certain members. 👀

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The end credits sequence highlighting each Eternal and their lore was awesome! Definitely up there with the “Black Panther” end credits sequence, insofar as creativity.

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I’m excited to see Dane Whitman and [REDACTED], per the second post-credits scene, which was the best part of this whole movie to me. 👀👀

Also excited to see [REDACTED]’s brother,  [REDACTED] in the “Guardians…” Christmas special next year.🎄♥️👀

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This film gave us two good things: internal conflict after centuries apart and some resolution before they interact with other MCU characters. A wonky fantasy western about a group on humanoid aliens who worked to make Earth a better place, per their maker’s wishes, but who evolved to learn reason, ethics, and how to navigate moral dilemmas.

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“Eternals” is not my favorite and not the best in the MCU, but it’s not the worst either.