Aight, as of 27 DEC 2019, my ranking of the Episodes (from Beyonce to Farrah):

Star Wars: Episode V—The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Star Wars: Episode IV—A New Hope (1977)

Star Wars: Episode VII—The Force Awakens (2015)

Star Wars: Episode VI—Return of the Jedi (1983)

Star Wars: Episode IX—The Rise of Skywalker (TROS) (2019)

Star Wars: Episode VIII—The Last Jedi (2017)

Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace (1999)

Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones (2002)

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Aight, so for my folks outchea who “know of” Star Wars, but don’t really know what’s happening, here’s how I’d compare #TROS to my common life practices/decision-making:

So for the natural-haired shawties, #TROS was like going to Target because there are no other hair stores open in the area with your leave-in, right. And you know Target doesn’t have THE ONE you need, but you get the next best thing. Like, you know it doesn’t get the curl quite right, but you need somethin’, ya know?

 

Aight, for my political shawties, as a 2020 US Presidential Candidate: #TROS is like Amy Klobachar.

 

Beer: #TROS is Blue Moon, without the orange.

 

Irish Whiskey, for this latest series (Episodes VII, VIII, and IX), if the choices are Bushmill’s, Jameson, and Tullemore Dew—#TROS is Jameson.

 

For my Chipotle fiends, #TROS is like going to grab a bowl and seeing the one ingredient you need to  satisfy your purchase had been recalled due to E. coli exposure, and one of those little notice things is posted, but you still ask about that ONE ingredient, and you still get the bowl because…duh. 🌯

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#TROS wasn’t as bad as the Stans said it was, but it also wasn’t great. Like, I’d watch it again only when the first film of the next series comes out.

I liked the action. I enjoyed the special effects. I liked the romance, but whew chile—the fromage. 🧀🧀 They piled it on thick in some moments. Star Wars follows a basic formula, and it usually doesn’t deviate from it. The score is the same, the action is pretty much the same, the narrative fluctuates, but not too far from the main story. Star Wars is a western set in outer space.

Also, the new cutie creature thing that helped translate the Sith language from C-3PO is not cuter than Baby Yoda. Cut 👏🏾it 👏🏾out👏🏾. 

 

So as it stands: The original series still reigns supreme in my book (Eps. IV, V, and VI), then this most recent series (VII, VIII, and IX), then the mess Hayden Christensen left for us—the Prequels. 🤢🤢🤢